so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
