STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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