btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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