drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
