Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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