U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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