I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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