I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
