if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize