I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
soo... how was my night?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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