my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He shit in the fireplace
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
