Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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