I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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