i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
