I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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