You just made me feel so damn special
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
