You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
