It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I want to fling myself into the sun
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
