my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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