I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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