I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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