I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She's the barista slut.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
