Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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