found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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