well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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