You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
