After last night, I could never be a politician.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
