Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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