We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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