my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize