the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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