just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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