Tell her she can't have a vagina
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i was born a porn star she said
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
