does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
