Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
