you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
