He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
