would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
