I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
