I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Liz is crying about burritos again.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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