Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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