Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
