he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
this hospital has no fireball
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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