Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
