best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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