I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
