so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
