who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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