currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
