yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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