I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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