I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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