I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
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Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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