I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
