sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you would pick up someone in the library
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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