Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
