I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
can u get pink eye on your cock?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
