Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
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i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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