And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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