I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
