I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
