the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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