I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
