Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
