I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Someone signed my nipple.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
