I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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