kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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