Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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