Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
