The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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