Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
