I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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