"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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