she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
