Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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