those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
